Reality is sometimes Stranger than Fiction...

Mood: Trying hard not to cry
Listening to: Concrete Angel
Reading: Nothing at the moment (shocking!)
Watching: MMoFJ
Playing: Maplestory
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

Life is... surreal. I feel like I'm reading a book or watching a movie. I touch with out feeling, look without seeing, listen without hearing. Everyone has had moments like that, but it's happening more and more to me lately. I feel as though I've been brought in in the middle of a drama I cannot heal, cannot help, cannot stop, which terrifies me. Not the actual circumstances themself, but the feeling that I can't help one of my dearest friends. I want to jump on a plane right now, fly to her town, run up her street, burst through the door and say "I'm here, I'm here, don't run away, I'm here, and I care about you and I love you." I want to hold her in my arms and sing her a lullaby, rock her back and forth and reassure her she's alright. Not that I can say any of this to her.
1. She lives too far away to tell by mouth (obviously, as I said with the plane part)
2. She refuses to read our emails.
3. She would just glare at me and tell me she's not a child.

But Sasate, dear heart, you are a child, a child we ALL love. I know you think we don't care. You need a break, and I can understand that. But know this (if you still read my blog)- I care about you greatly. I love you. You are my best friend. And I miss the you I met 5 months ago.

5 months... it feels like so much longer! If I hadn't met you, I'm 100% sure I would've pulled a Kisa and fell so far into myself I couldn't talk, couldn't react to anything. As it is, I'm "On the edge of breaking down, with no one there" to save me.

I- I miss you so much! I'm about to cry, I can feel it, and probably will very very soon. The only thing I want in the world is for you to come back.You don't have to be perfect! You don't have to "deserve" us, whatever the hell THAT would entitle. All you have to do is be you! So please, come back as soon as you're ready, and I'll pray that that's soon, is that fair?

I love you Sasa-chan. I love you and pray you will feel better soon.