Dancing queen...

Dancing... *brittle laugh* I've taken it up as a side hobby, if you could call it that. I don't take formal lessons- never will. It's more of an expression on how I feel. Like, when I'm happy, I go at a medium pace, swirling, dipping, jumping, and sliding. When I'm sad, there's no jumping, just slow sliding and circles drawn with my feet. And then, there was last night. I got off my chat calm as can be- and I exploded. Swirl, jab, slide, drop, jump up, spin while jumping, hit the edge of an armchair, push off said armchair, etc etc. I was so mad! Because I can't
do a
freaking
thing.

I want to help so badly- but I can't! I'm not mad at people, not the world, not my surroundings, just me! When I ended this eruption of fury, I stood in the middle of my living room, breathing heavily with my hair falling in my face. I'm sure that if you looked in my eyes, they would be no nonsense, the light taken out of them by rage. I wanted to claw at myself, punish myself for not being good enough. Instead, I sat down and cried, wanting to be so much more- and being so much less...