...

...GODDAMN FRICKING 'PERFECT' PEOPLE SHOULD GO GODDAMN FRICKIN DIE!

If you have read the previous posts, you should have figured out I went to Anime USA already, simply by seeing it was last weekend. Among the various merchandise, I bought a Momiji Bag, Momiji Pin, and Yuki plush. I put the pin on the bag, and clipped Yuki onto the bag (theres a loop coming off the rat hoodie he wears). Sometimes Yuki gets put inside the bag. Anywho, I carry it around EVERYWHERE. Including school. So I showed my friend Jessey. She loved it. So in History, I showed Hannah (not Hana, Hannah) the bag. She thought it was cute. I tried to show her Yuki:
"That's just scary."
I didn't take him out again till I got home.

Today, I was strengthend by the fact I worked up my courage and showed a girl in my 7th period him. She totally spazzed out, she thought he was so cute! So, feeling light hearted, I went to go read and rate manga for the manga commitee. Because I was in a back room, I didn't bother putting Yuki back in the bag. Instead, he sat smiling next to it. While the three of us (Jet, Sam, and I) read and rated manga, who comes in later but Hannah, with some boy I don't know. She sees my bag and stuff, points to it, points to me, and tells her companion:
"She's the obsessed one."
Oh
My
God.
I wanted to SCREAM. I wanted to yell, "I'm not a zoo animal! Do you think it's ok for you to talk like that to my face?! 'The obsessed one'- I've got a name! And maybe I carry it around cause it calms me! For your information, the ability to touch soft things- like a plushie- and fiddle with my necklace both calm me! Would you criticize me less if I carried around a polar bear? A cat? A dog? I think not! So I'll have my weird habits, you have yours! Unless, of course, that's why you think you have the RIGHT to criticize me- because you're not weird at all! I bet you think you're goddamn perfect! If you're so goddamn fricking perfect, why not leave us freaks alone? Now, if you excuse me-" insert slamming down of manga on the table here- "I have manga to rate."

But of course, instead I just said, "I haven't had time to leave him at home", even though that is in no way truth. But now, I feel totally offended.

By the way- there is a method to my madness. When I was over spilling with love and self esteem, (aka, pre middle school), both my RPG nii-sans were problem children- Gaara and Hatsuharu. (Yes, Haru counts.) Now, my latest nii-sans have an overabundance of love, and I continually make them show it. (Hikaru and Kaoru.) Doesn't this say something? I'll say from an observant, smart persons point of veiw:
When she was happy, she took on people who she felt needed love. She wanted to give them the love she felt they deserved. But there has to be a different reason for why she took on the Hitachiin twins, who are bursting with love. It seems that the equation has flipped. She no longer can give all her love away- she wants to be sure love hasn't dissapeared, that she can still take in the love she no longer gets from the once multitude of friends that has suddenly- drasticly- changed to only her few dearest. She wants to get that love from one source or another. That it's fictional, she no longer cares. It's a simple, yet desperate, silent outcry for love, the love that she feels is decreasing everyday. She was drawn to the first two by their lack of love, yet the silent yearning for it that only she felt. She was drawn to the second two because she wanted a part of that deep, deep love, a love everyone could see, so she could say at long last-
"See? People do love me, even if YOU don't!"
All she has ever wanted in this world are two things: Love, and never being forgotten. She could live the rest of her days surrounded by empty walls, if only her friends could come in, laugh with her, and let her feel the constant out pouring of love she desperately yearns for.

Um... that's it...