After some deep thought

It's so simple to... to ignore flaws, in yourself and others. To ignore the confusing parts of life, to pretend they never happened. But... if you live that way, you only live a half-filled life. You miss some of the things that matter, some of those defining parts. If I ignored my obsession with Fruits Basket, or Oriental clothing, or oriental asian decor, would I be the same Kiyoko? I doubt it. I would be living a half-life, no better than a monster. It's a miracle... many people think it weird for me to be so serious at times, and call me freak, mock me, say they hate me. But I think of it as a miracle.

I am a loner. An outcast. A cat of the school. I was born to be mocked, taunted, despised, hated. I do my job dutifully- a silent punching bag. I take others anger and make it my pain. But I avoid letting that pain turn into recoil, and letting it hit others back. Because when that happens, they only hit harder. But as the cat found friends among those who hated him, I too have friends who occupy my heart. Sasate, Jet-san, Kisa, Hana, Nara... Kuroda.

And I get through my purpose each day, because at the end of it all, I go back to friends who love me, Nii-sans who care for me, a house where I can rest. And I should not be allowed to wish for more- surely, that's more than many people have. But I do wish for more, and that is for Kuroda to love me as I love him.

I really hope Kuroda doesn't know the link to my blog. If so, how embaressing!